Where Are Queer Men in Fabulis' 2010 Survey of Gay Men's Online Habits?

  
I love my community of queers, freaks, youth workers, and artists. I love the non-conformity, questioning of authority, and out of the box thinking of these folks. They are my brethren and comrades. They are the people I am proud to be among.

Today, a friend posted through Facebook the following Fabulis online survey about gay male online habits.

There was a problem at the outset for me. It came on slide 3 with the statement "The results that follow only include responses from the 94.5% of survey participants who described themselves as gay or bisexual men. All other responses were discarded."

I'm not gay or bisexual. I am queer. I am proud to be queer, and I identify this way partly because I don't believe in a binary gender construct and partly because I want to stand in solidarity with people not of the same gender as me. It is a nuanced identity that doesn't fit neatly into boxes.

I knew by seeing the title of the survey that I would probably not find myself among the respondents. I am used to that. I am used to the a large segment of the LGBT community not understanding the nuance of queer. I am used to being somewhat invisible.

There is no other note as to what the orientations of the 5.5% of the discarded respondents were. There is no mention of why those responses were discarded. They just vanished from the data set leaving me to question where do I fall within the gay and bisexual male community.

I posted this comment on the Fabulis blog "What were the sexual orientations of the 5.5% of the discarded respondents?" bradfordshellhammer, someone I assume to be from Fabulis, responded that those rejected were either straight identified or lesbian. I then asked if queer male was an option. There was a moment of confusion, and bradfordshellhammer posted the categories available during the survey. Queer was not an option.

As mentioned above, this questioning and lack of visibility is nothing new for me. It is why the meta-blog that JW Reports is a part of is called Queerly Complex. Life doesn't fall within black or white or binary codes. It is dynamic, intricate, multi-faceted and -dimensional, and messy. It holds many truths.

I don't derive self-worth from these types of reports, surveys, or news. I don't need it to justify my existence. I am happy doing that myself. What I do need from these types of surveys is an understanding that we live in a much more complicated and interconnected world. We need to stop the reductivism of one versus the other. We need to find ways to build broader based coalitions.

And this can be done simply. It doesn't need to taint a potential data pool. If the survey is concerned only with the opinions from gay men, fine. I don't need to be counted among them because I am not one. But I do need an acknowledgement from that community of my existence. This can include acknowledging queer as a category, writing "we are not including queers in this survey because...",  teasing out queers from the rest of the data pool and showing differences between gay male identified respondents and queer respondents, being completely clear that one only cares about gay men. Any of these solutions at least acknowledge that there is a community out there that is not gay identified and not straight identified.

I appreciate greatly what Fabulis is trying to build: "a social network that connects gay men with amazing experiences down the block and around the world." I also appreciate their openness to the conversation. In that effort for connection and conversation, it is important to not forget those of us who don't fit neatly into the "gay male" label. For we may be married to (or partnered to or dating or having sex with) someone who does.

Stuck on Memories

  
I am stuck on certain memories that I know need to be shared, but it is difficult to write about them. These are not the moments of tragedy. Rather they are the moments of first connections and the mundane. It is important to recall these memories as they hold the narrative together.

They are also not real. That is what makes them so difficult to capture. They fall through the sieve of my pen. They are somewhere below the page.

Maybe it is the medium that loses them. They are not the things of words or ink.

Things that Fascinate Me (at least for today)

So, I am typing this blog post via my Blackberry and uploading it via email while sitting on the 33 heading home from a training the YW:C did in collaboration with the Richmond District After School Collaborative and Richmond Village Beacon Center, and pontificating on the things that fascinate me (at least for today).

Here they are in no particular order:

* This technology is crazy. I remember, not so long ago (read about 3 to 4 years), I was contemplating getting a cell phone. I didn't want one because I had no desire to be reached at all times. Now, I have a Blackberry, and I would most likely only ever buy a smartphone.
Why? Because I like being connected. I don't have any sense of obligation to my phone (at least not any more), and I view it as a tool I can, do, and don't have to use. It has really made something simpler in my life. I don't need my computer or a scheduled time to respond to emails, inquiries, or event invitations.

Instead, I can take response at my own leisure. This is amazing, liberating, and confounding. How did we end up in this space and time? (More of a rhetorical question than anything else.) And now that we are here what is next? How do we synthesize all of the information that is now available to us?
I believe the next great breakthrough will come from merging reality and online life in an effort to distribute resources. My worry/concern is that as this develops it happens in a way that monetizes these exchanges in a manner that supports disparity because as we become more connected the ones with the most connections have the biggest influence in distribution. And the more connected grow more connected exponentially. How do we ensure that this doesn't lead to more power and control being in the hands of less and less people?

Additionally, as we become more and more connected the distance of time distorts and quickens. What once took weeks now takes seconds. This quickening pace also grows exponentially. And with that growth comes an expectation that others conform or be swallowed by it. How do we intentionally slow its pace in an effort to create a counterculture balance to mainstream speed? (I am reading In Praise of Slowness right now, and it is hitting me pretty hard. I am trying to slow my pace. And that is not easy to do with my ADHD.)

* Another pontification. On the bus ride over to Presidio Middle School (where we had our training today), I saw a woman who I had 'tattled' on at my local cafe. It was an awkward moment.
Now let me give you a little background to the story. A couple of months ago, I was working at the coffee shop in my neighborhood. I frequent the place and all of the staff know me. I like the place and have a lot of respect for the owner and his staff. They are warm and welcoming. When I've been short on cash they still give me my coffee, no questions asked.

Well, one morning I was sitting at a table near the windows lost in my work. Outside, there was a woman in her 40s and her friend enjoying their coffee and having an animated conversation. Then, she pulled out a big permanent black marker. I was hoping what I thought would come next wouldn't come next, but it did: she started tagging the outside of the cafe. And as she was tagging she looked up at me and smiled.

I got up, walked to the counter, and 'tattled' on her. The guy behind the counter was mortified because she was a friend of his. He went outside with a bottle of cleaner and asked her to clean it up. He went back inside, and she flipped me the bird, lipped 'fuck you' and left having not even sprayed any of the cleaner on her wonderful alien-shaped tag.

The barista started up a conversation with me and told me how she was an artist and muralist that helped run youth programming for a local arts organization. What? I could barely contain myself. So not only was she tagging, she worked with youth in an arts organization. I wondered what kind of a role model she could be.

Seeing her on the bus today made me ask the question 'what kind of a role model am I?' I am not really sure. I hope I am a good one, but I know I have my shortcomings. I know that my ego and pride can sometimes best me, and that I can come across as arrogant and a know-it-all (shocking I know). I wonder what other actions I have taken that might be similarly viewed as I viewed her tagging.

Is tagging acceptable? I know I've seen lots of it on the bus and not intervened. Did I intervene in this situation because of a sense of connection the the cafe and its staff? And if so, why don't I have that same connection to the transportation I take daily? In fact, I am on MUNI or BART more than I am in cafes. Why haven't I 'tattled' on that? What stops me?

I don't have the answers to these questions (at least not yet). But they need to be posited if only to better understand myself and how I move in this world. As I have learned from Shinnyo-en Foundation (thanks Liane) everything is connected and our ripples can become waves. What waves have I made by simple action and/or inaction?

One thing I know, I am eternally connected to this artist. And when I see her on MUNI or in the community there will always be awkwardness.

* Last, a totally random thought and connection - Obamawear. While waiting for the 38 at Fillmore and Geary, a woman was also waiting wearing a black synthetic jacket with 'Obama 08' embroidered in hot pink on it. I am amazed at how much entrepreneurship has sprung up simply because of his campaign.

Here was something that was definitely not 'campaign approved'. But it still got out his message. What does this mean for the future of campaigns? What does this mean about letting go of preconceived notions of message and copyright? What does this mean for how we as queers come together as a community, let go of past beefs, and find a commonality of message in an effort to move our social justice agenda forward (it definitely is about more than just marriage) through marketing materials?

These are just a few of the things that fascinate me. At least for today.