Reflections on Investing in Youth Workers: A Reconnection to My Core

Dear Readers:

It has been a while since last I wrote. I am someone who needs aspects of my life to inspire my writing. Recently, I have been very inspired. It just hasn’t been written about. Now, I am hoping to capture some of that inspiration.

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Living a values-centered life is invigorating. I find myself with so much more clarity, intention, and passion than I ever have. Even in moments of feeling overwhelmed, I find myself seeking connections, direction, hope.

Recently, I had the pleasure of helping craft a convening called Investing in Youth Workers organized by Community Network for Youth Development. The intention of the convening was to bring together youth workers of all types together and unite them on common ground. The goal was to determine whether or not we would collectively pull together a regional task force dedicated to solving some of the major workforce development opportunities and challenges for our field, youth development.

At times during this process, I found myself getting incredibly frustrated. We were on an incredibly short timeline to pull off an event that was going to (will) impact our field for years to come.

I hold myself to incredibly high standards. I have spent a good amount of time clarifying, defining, and intentionally living my core values, and I wanted all of us at a planning level to clarify, define, and live by our collective core values. Our short timeline forced us to skip this step. We jumped right into getting work done and not enough time on how to get the work done.

For me, my three core, non negotiable values I wanted for the process were honesty and integrity, equity, and innovation and transformation. At times, I felt very connected to these values, especially the value of innovation and transformation. Other times, I found myself wishing for more communication, transparency, and accountability.

I never, however, went back and reflected on my values. Instead, I just kept getting more and more irritated when things did not go as planned. I was confused, disoriented, and unable to tap into my best thinking. Thus, I felt like I was failing youth workers – a feeling I was (am) incredibly uncomfortable with and ashamed of.

It is amazing to me how failure can immediately take me away from my purpose. I believe I exist to connect. I almost always seek win-win solutions. I believe there were many times throughout the process that I did seek win-win solutions. I believe that there were other times where I was only concerned with me – how I would be perceived. And in those moments of discord, I found myself alone, sad, hurt, and defensive.

In my opening remarks at the convening, I stated we must “reflect, inquire, listen, connect, dream, act, and then start the whole process all over again.” I am back at the beginning. I am sitting in a café with my core values splayed all over the table. I am reviewing my list of what I need to live by my core values and what hinders my ability to live by them. I am reflecting on how both my contribution and lack of contribution affected the planning process and my ability to be fully involved and engaged. I must take this opportunity to be honest and joyful, explore and transform, and love and seek equity. In other words, I must reconnect to my core values.

One thing that hinders my ability to live by my core values is the need for power and control. I know I am excellent at inclusive planning. I have a lot of my ego wrapped into that belief. That is one of my greatest flaws because it hinders my ability to just be present. I find myself analyzing and critiquing processes that are not fully inclusive. During my involvement in planning this convening, I found myself continually angry by processes that I felt were not inclusive. In those moments, I wanted, no needed, power and control. I wanted to direct the process. I needed to be heard. And I know that those needs and wants impacted how I stated ideas and worked with members of the planning team.

I believe that the event was a success. In fact, I believe that we as a field are finally grappling with difficult concepts on how to build a coalition that works towards a prepared, stable, supported, and committed workforce. This is a major win. I am proud, hopeful, and joyous about this collaborative win.

I must also continue to live by my core values. This means a constant reconnection to and review of my values, what I need to stay committed to them, and what takes me away from them. In essence, I must reflect, inquire, listen, connect, dream, act, and then start all over again.

I am honored to have worked with so many amazing people on Investing in Youth Workers. I learned so many things, expanded my thinking, and transformed into another iteration of myself - one that is deeply committed to living a values-centered life.

I thank you dear reader for coming along on this journey, this path, with me. I am always astounded when I run into one of you and you bring up my writing. You all help hold me accountable to what I have written. I am eternally indebted to for your commitment to supporting me on my part. Because of you, I now realize that I am not on a path of leadership, a path that ultimately leads me towards an ego. Rather, I am on a path of intentionality – a path that ultimately leads me towards a release of and freedom from my ego. Thank you.